Last week, I said in the ComposeCreate newsletter that I had some encouraging thoughts percolating if you weren’t feeling your pre-pandemic self, but I joked that I had to find some pre-pandemic energy to write about it.
That was no joke. Where is the energy I thought I’d have once vaccinations rolled out and things started opening up more fully? Hello!?
If you find yourself asking the same question or wondering why others are asking this question, I just wanted to share a few things that have helped me recently.
1. Everyone’s on a continuum of re-entry.
When I step back and take a 20,000 ft view, it’s laughable that I would assume this, because everyone has their own little thoughts and voices in their head, not just me. Everyone has been affected by the pandemic and everyone’s safety was threatened (more on that in a minute). Basically, everyone is at a different point on this continuum of re-entry. A therapist told me to visualize that maybe 5% of people are in the “perfectly comfortable” category, and 5% are in the “not comfortable at all category,” but the rest of us are in random places on this continuum.
So there are lots of people in the same space where you are and many are just to the left and right of you on this continuum. They may not be your family or friends, but in a world of 7.8 billion people, there are lots of people exactly where you are!
And just as an example, if you are one of the people that is vaccinated and yet you still don’t feel like you can be completely comfortable and find yourself being more cautious than others might think you should be, read this article.
The long and short of it is, everyone is somewhere different on this continuum. And wherever you are is okay!
2. The continuum of re-entry is NOT a timeline.
Lately, I’ve made the mistake many times of saying “They’re ahead of me on re-entry” or “They’re further along the road.” But can you hear the values I’m inserting into those statements? Saying things like they are “further along” or “ahead of me” actually makes me feel badly, feel behind, decreases my confidence, and makes me feel small. That’s because I’m assigning a higher value to those who are closer to the “perfectly comfortable” category. But neither extreme on the continuum is better. They just are.
I am where I am. You are where you are. And that’s okay!
3. Feeling anxious is normal. Not feeling anything is not.
Everyone has anxiety at times. And one of the core causes of anxiety is not feeling safe. And when our worlds are out of control, we feel unsafe. When we feel unsafe, we get anxious.
Now think about what happened to us this past year. (And don’t forget that it is continuing to happen to many around the world.)
We suffered a pandemic. Wait. Let that sink in. A pandemic. Hundreds of thousands of people died. We saw Covid spread like wildfire – like nothing else we’ve ever seen in our lifetime. It was so bad, we had to stay home to get it under control. The whole world was scared. The world didn’t feel safe anymore. We were scared for ourselves and scared for others. And unfortunately, it’s not over yet even though things have improved in several countries.
That kind of trauma increases everyone’s anxiety. Elevated levels of anxiety for everyone were normal, and coming down from those levels will just take time.
So there’s every reason why you might not be feeling like your pre-pandemic self. You suffered trauma. Your level of anxiety was dangerously elevated for a sustained period of time. Coming down from that level of anxiety will also take time.
I say all of this because knowing that the anxiety you’re feeling is normal, justified, and valid can help. And knowing that you are not the only one helps tremendously!
If you think that you don’t know anyone having trouble, you’re wrong. You know me. And I’m right there struggling with you.
4. There is no “back to normal.” But there never has been.
We use phrases like “I wish I could get back to normal,” thinking that it’s possible to get back to how we felt pre-pandemic. But that’s actually always been impossible and that impossibility is not a bad thing.
Even before the pandemic, everything you did affected the future. When you had a baby, that affected the future. When you broke your leg, that affects how careful you were. When you had a car wreck, that affected how you drove. When you dropped your phone in the toilet, that affected how careful you were with your phone in the bathroom. And if you’ve suffered even more traumatic things like the death of a spouse, a devastating illness, or a tragic accident, that changed your whole life.
So when we go through a year when we are scared for our lives, where we can’t get together with friends and family when we need them most, where relationships are strained and even severed, where our kids stay home while we try to hold down a full time job, where we have unintended fights with loved ones about our personal choices for survival, that’s going to change what normal is in the future!
And that’s okay. If we lived our lives not affected by anything, we would be robots. Or at best we would be catatonic beings incapable of love, hope, and peace.
Being affected by difficult things is normal. Not being affected and having a changeless life is not.
Acknowledging that normal is constantly changing can be therapeutic. We can be more empathetic, more loving, more patient, and better people, but only if we stop longing for the exact things that were normal and and can never be normal again. The pre-pandemic days are past, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t beautiful new days with new experiences in our future.
So instead of saying, “I wish things were normal” or “I wish I could be like I was before the pandemic,” I’m having to alter my narratives to, “I am a stronger and more empathetic person now because of the pandemic.” or “I went through excruciatingly hard things last year and I’m letting that make me into a better person.”
Your narratives are important. Take a minute to think about what you are telling yourself and adjust if necessary.
Life has always been something that always changes. Now is no exception and our experience of living through great difficulty with so many people can be a powerful way to change us into better, more empathetic people. Chances are, you are better than your pre-pandemic self.
5. You’re only dormant, not languishing.
This point was made so well here by Austin Kleon. It’s worth your time reading it as he describes the importance of naming these feelings that you have and the time you are in, and naming them properly. A popular article by Adam Grant has been circulating which posits that this space between depression and flourishing is called “languishing.” But, like Austin Kleon, that doesn’t sit well with me, nor is it an accurate word about what is happening. I think of languishing as what the spider Charlotte was doing just before she died in Charlotte’s web! So, Kleon’s renaming of this period as “dormant” is so much more accurate.
There are lots of ideas, creativity, hope, and depth yet to be explored in my soul and your soul. But sometimes we’re just dormant – just resting and recuperating – before we will have the energy to access these things. On top of that, some springs produce exceptional growth, and others produce only a tiny bit – easily seen on the rings of a cut tree. But that’s just fine in the overall lifecycle of living things. Some years we grow tremendously. Some years we just survive.
Another few seasons will put us even further past these difficulties and eventually, we’ll spring to life again! Being dormant is not only okay, it’s necessary.
My hope for you…
I write all this because I know I need to put down what’s happening to me and remind myself of the things that I know are true. Because when I get in a funk, it’s really easy to spiral out of control and think very negative thoughts about myself, wondering why on earth I can’t be like I used to be, why I can’t be like I want to be, or why I can’t be like others seem to be.
But I am where I am. You are where you are. And that’s okay. Wherever we are can be a beautiful place.
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After pruning plants, we see little activity. However, much is happening as the plant mobilizes to produce beautiful new growth. It’s good to be reminded of the wisdom of allowing ourselves to develop as we go. Thank you for sharing about your journey!
Great summary of life today, as I experience it! Thanks so much for your very thoughtful article.
Wendy
Thank you so much for articulating this so well. I’ve been having all sorts of feelings related to this past year and wanting “normal” back again. Your article is a great reminder for us to accept where we are, adjust as we can, and be OK with this process. And to accept others who may not be at the same place as we are. This was very encouraging!
V
Thank you for sharing these insights! My wise mentor also used to talk to me about seasons, and how our lives can be reflective of nature. We need to give ourselves permission and grace in whichever season we find ourselves. There is comfort in recognizing the idea of dormancy and rest between cycles of growth and change. I really like your tree analogy. Thanks for your words of encouragement and hope. Blessings to you this day.
This is such a good word! It describes what I am feeling. Thank you.
Thanks! This was great. Wish I could share it with all my friends.
Thank you, Wendy! We may all be in this together, but we don’t all react or come out of it in the same way.
This is a great read, and just what I needed to hear today! Thank you!
Thank you so much for the depth of this article. There are many wonderful truths woven throughout. They definitely went below the surface into my soul. It was very timely and refreshing. I plan to read it again because there was too much there to absorb all at once.
Thank you for giving of yourself. ♥️
Gerri
Thanks Wendy. Beautifully worded, necessary and comprehensive. I knew I was burnt out, so I completed my 2020-2021, private teaching 5 weeks ago; early, early, for the school year. But, I thought families needed it and I have vacationed and visited. Though I still don’t feel completely refreshed, I am getting closer and refreshing daily for sure. It’s a climb back up to happily rolling along again. Best wishes!
Thanks, Wendy! I just came home from a big store and didn’t wear a mask although I’ve been really skeptical about taking it off. It was not busy, so I left it off. Yes, I’ve had both shots. It was weird, but for me, not weird enough. Now I can breathe better and people can recognize me LOL I think if I was in a busy store with lots of people (like the weekends) I would still wear the mask, for COVID and other germs anyway.
I like what Pat said above. Everyone is different with accepting reentry. For me, I’m all for it, ready to go and moving ahead, just like that. But I also must consider what you said because my family is different from me, very different. I take more risks other than health than most. Our Columbine Music Teachers Association is having a meeting next week to figure out next school year’s schedule. Hard to decide which way to go. Probably with a virtual option all the way through the year. But we’ll see. For the teachers, getting off the computer for classes will be very different. Some might still have virtual since it’s easier. Anyway, just a thought or two. Time will tell, right?
Carol DuBe, NCTM
Well-said! A very good reminder.
Thank you, Wendy, for this brilliant and sensitive post. You describe so well much of what I have been feeling as we attempt to “come out of the pandemic.” I will be sharing your thoughtful words with others who I know are struggling along with us. Sincerely, Vicki
Great words Wendy, thank you, really helpful for me today – I’m definitely not feeling full of energy yet and it’s hard not to keep wondering why 😊
Very well written and speaks to/for all of us. Thank you!
Oh boy, did I need this today! Thank you Wendy!
Thank you for your authenticity. Well written. I especially enjoyed the point from the therapist that reminded us all that everyone’s on the spectrum of healing at different speeds and in different ways.
Thank you Wendy. The right words at the right time.
Beautiful, descriptive words! Thank you for these today. I just met with a realtor to sell our family home of 27 years so that I can live with my husband in our retirement home on an island in Puget Sound. He’s been there since March 2020, working full time from home; I’ve been alone in the family home about 90 minutes away from him so that I could teach remotely – my supplies, high-speed internet, books, piano are all here. I only join him Sat & Sun. I’m so weary of this. He said it would be up to me when to sell to join him; today did it for me. We’ll put this home up for sale by August. It’s filled with family memories and I’m weeping as I write this, but for many reasons that are positive. I have to live with my husband; we miss each other so much. I never thought we’d be separated so long. It’ll be 41 years in June. The pandemic changed everything: how we lived, how we cohabitated, how we made decisions… I hope ‘normal’ never comes around. I hope things do not remain the same. I hope we’re all enriched as we keep making our way through our journeys. Some ups, some downs. Although weeping, the tears are mixed tears of joy, thankfulness, gratefulness for what we’ve come through. We saw our siblings mock us for wearing masks, we witnessed death, hospitalizations of loved ones. We cannot remain the same people we were 15 months ago. And yes, each of us is on the continuum in a different place. Time to crawl out of dormancy for me. Your words give pause and reflection. And I give thanks.
Thanks Wendy! Beautifully written truths! Lots of thoughts that I needed to hear! Thank you!
Wendy, so fun to see Carol’s comments. We are Columbine colleagues and chat frequently about your posts and workshops. I had been referring to post pandemic as ‘pandemic jet-lag’ but upon reading the NYTimes I started using the word languishing. I do think DORMANT is much more positive… thanks for a really lovely article. I feel better now! Karen Greenhalgh, NCTM
Joy, I am so full of emotions after reading your comment. You have suffered a lot and I so agree…we cannot remain the same and I sincerely hope we never return to the emotional or spiritual place we were a year ago. I hear and can sympathize with so many of the things you express and I really appreciate you being vulnerable and sharing them in this space. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to experience this trauma without your husband with you daily. But I’m so happy for you that you are able to change that now! I hope your home sells quickly and that your transition is smooth. Thank you for sharing!
Wow did I need to hear that today! Thank you for sharing your compassion and understanding, and giving me space to give myself some grace. Wise words as always
Dear Wendy,
Thank you for this article. It really landed for me, articulating things that I thought were “just me”. Your post opened the door for me to make sense of an exhaustion I’ve been feeling but trying to pretend wasn’t there. The tree and nature references, plus the continuum framing, are wonderful for perspective. Thank you again!
I have lived this cycle of reentry when I care for my adult daughter with disability in post-hospital-crisis. The parallels are shocking to me. It’s also shocking that we r all doing it at the same time. Dormant is a beautiful word. It is hopeful. Creativity lurks beneath all the “feels”. My faith is driving my walk through this darkness as it has in past. I can see the edges of the road on either side, but not far ahead thru the fog. No fear. Thanks for posting n
Hi Katrina,
Wow. That’s really interesting to hear about this cycle of re-entry with your adult daughter with disability. It sounds like you have been through a lot and have a lot of experience in observing this kind of re-entry. If you have any other thoughts about the similarities with what you’ve observed, I’d love to hear them!
Wendy, this is an awesome article! My husband had a heart transplant DURING the pandemic! I had to quit my school music position, but was able to keep my piano studio functioning and it is now thriving. I relate to so much of what you said here. And to think I was just scrolling through piano teacher articles!!! God has been my rock throughout and articles like yours are very encouraging. Thank you! May I screen shot and share some of your statements , of course while linking your article and giving you credit for the words?
Dear Wendy,
I know that you must feel grateful for all the people that have responded to your caring and helpful words. You have touched many hearts.
Thank you for caring and understanding us as piano teachers, as we understand each other in a special way. Sharing your words and thoughts with us not only helps us, but also you.
Wendy, your wise words are so welcome to hear, for me and obviously for many others. I have a small studio, and most students/families have been super conservative and careful as we have returned to more ‘normal’ conditions. Your thoughts about how everyone is at a unique place on the ‘continuum of comfort’ are spot on. I still have students online, some are coming in person wearing masks, some without masks. It’s all good, and I just shuffle my mask, teaching materials and iPad around as needed for each lesson. A year or so I read a book about the 1918 influenza pandemic, and saw an interview with an elderly survivor. The interviewer asked him how long it was before society was ‘back to normal’, and he said most people didn’t truly feel safe to resume mass gatherings until 1922! Granted, they had no vaccine, and contagion was not as well understood even by medical science, but it just goes to show that we all need time to release the constant anxiety and find our own ‘safe space’ inside ourselves and within our daily lives. I have hope that this year (and ongoing) will end up having shown us all the value of slowing down, reassessing the constant busyness of our daily lives, and given us the beginnings of a new model for future years. Dormancy is such a vital time for plants — we humans should emulate that plan! And I also want to say I am touched by the previous comments here — it is lovely to know we are all in this together, as human beings and as teachers. Thank you so much, Wendy. You are a great mentor for all of us!
Hi Pamela,
I’m so sorry to hear that your husband had to have a transplant during the pandemic! What a stressful time that had to have been – that’s not even the right words to describe it, I’m sure. I’m so glad that you were able to keep your studio alive and thriving though and that God has been your rock and you’ve been encouraged through others.
Yes, absolutely, please share the ideas with others and link back to the article. I hope it’s encouraging to all who read it!
Thank you so much for sharing, Kathy. Glad to know about what that elderly survivor said. It’s good to set realistic expectations. And I love what you said here,
“I have hope that this year (and ongoing) will end up having shown us all the value of slowing down, reassessing the constant busyness of our daily lives, and given us the beginnings of a new model for future years. Dormancy is such a vital time for plants — we humans should emulate that plan!”
So true.
Lots of great wisdom here, Wendy. Well written!
Thank you Wendy so much for framing many of my thoughts and feelings resulting from this upside down year. I can so relate to many of the responses, especially Joy’s. Along with wherever we are on the continuum, I think we could add other axes we are processing, such as the range of emotions we’ve been dealing with, accepting changes in our livelihoods, significant changes in relationships, countless losses and the glimmers of hope we hang onto. It is by the Grace of God our family has made it through this school year. The online music community has been such an encouragement to me, and I know you all are to your students. Thank you for being a blessing!
Well said, Linda!