“How is possible that it’s not even May yet, and my calendar has every weekend booked to the brim from now until mid-June?” My husband could sense a rant coming on. He turned towards me and said, “Is there anything we can move so life’s not so busy?” This was not the response I was looking for. I was frustrated, but not at him – it was because his response made me ask myself just what Jim Rohn echos: we’re so busy doing what?
This exchange happened this morning. I wrote an article all about taking the stress out of the holidays by saying no just a few months ago; so I am clearly a work in progress on this whole “guarding my time” thing. I don’t think I’m alone in this, either. “Busy” has become a response I hear as often as “good” when I ask people how they’re doing. Answering “busy” has somehow achieved some kind of medal status in our society.
I don’t know about you, but busyness is costing me real achievement. I have so many things I want to implement in my studio, my home, and in my own personal life. But I’m so busy, I’m “mistaking movement for achievement”.
So I have to ask myself: “Am I achieving, or just busy?”
What’s the difference?
Since this John Rohn quote makes a point of differentiating between movement/busyness and achievement, I decided to look up the actual definitions. Here they are:
Busy: having a great deal to do.
Achievement: a thing done successfully, typically by effort, courage, or skill.
Right now, my life is filled with the definition of busyness. I have bought into the idea that I am achieving something simply because I’m busy all the time. And to be sure, many of the things I’ve done recently have required great effort or skill. But I wouldn’t qualify them as achievements.
Why? Because to be considered successful to me, they need to line up with my values. And I am inherently going against my own personal values when I am so busy with “stuff” that I am not making room for creativity or relationship. (Side note: you can learn more about identifying and living into your personal values here.)
Achievement isn’t about the number of things you’re accomplishing. As John Rohn points out, it’s not about movement at all. It’s about asking yourself, “busy doing what?”.
Seasons and identifying busyness
There are some seasons that are just plain busy, and there’s not much you can do about it. I think all of us have experienced at least one season of “this is Survival Mode” in the last three years. It’s what started my own trend of busyness the last several weeks. The problem was that after that “Survival Mode” ended, I didn’t take a step back to decompress, evaluate where things were at, and remind myself that life doesn’t always have to look that way. If you’re in a season of busyness that can’t be helped, embrace it fully! These seasons happen to all of us.
But don’t forget to also take time to re-evaluate in a few weeks or months so you don’t stay trapped in that season once it’s done.
If you’re not sure whether you’re in a season of busyness, here’s a surefire way I can always tell for myself: life feels like Groundhog Day. I feel like I am living the same day on repeat, in a never ending cycle. If I don’t have room in my schedule for any variation – a walk, unscheduled block of time, a movie night – I’m in the busyness trap. If life feels like one long day, you may be, too.
You can do anything, but not everything
I think most of the busyness we experience comes from the best of intentions. I really loved the idea of implementing multiple things in my studio at once. The reality is I should have done just one, done it well, and then added another. The quality of what we’re trying to accomplish goes down when we’re doing too much – but quitting things or saying “no” mid-way feels really scary and guilt-inducing. Whether it’s fear of missing out on something, others judging you, or of lack of perfectionism, many of us (me included!) really feel afraid of doing less.
Wendy read this article and wanted to emphasize this sentence which she’s found true in her own life:
The quality of what we’re trying to accomplish goes down when we’re doing too much – but quitting things or saying “no” mid-way feels really scary and guilt-inducing.
We can do anything, but not everything.
I know how to say no, but easily fall back into the habit of people-pleasing and overextending myself. I have to remind myself – often – that I can do anything, but not everything. As piano teachers, we are so used to “doing it all”. We are CEO, accountant, HR department, marketing manager, and teacher. But we’re also human.
So What to Do?
I want to leave you with a few thoughts that have helped me and I hope will help you if you struggle with this.
- Remember that you can do anything, but not everything.
- Identify what achievement and success looks like to you so that you know what real achievement vs. busyness looks like.
- When a season of necessary busyness comes along, lean into it – but remember to check in and make sure you haven’t just gotten used to the cadence of busyness if that season is now over.
- Ask yourself, “I’m busy doing what?” often.
And me? I am giving myself permission to not do everything – and I hope you do the same for yourself.
Do you have any insights into balancing busyness with achievement? Are there ways that you find you’re able to keep the busyness at bay? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments! Teachers often read the comment section, and it’s always so helpful when we hear the insight and wisdom of others!
I am in my final week of teaching piano at a local music store. My husband is retiring, and we will be moving. I have been so busy, and it will feel good to have a less structured schedule. However, I have thoroughly enjoyed building into my students’ lives. Looking back, I probably would have done some things differently. I have always, however, been thrilled with any little bit of progress that I’ve seen my students make. After 11 years at this music store and having seen some students grow from elementary school to college, it’s important to me to have seen the progress; and yet, may be just as important to have been able to share bits of wisdom along the way. I love my students and their families… In someways, they will always be my Piano family. I will always care about their next steps and, I will always pray for them. For myself, I plan to continue to grow… After more than 30 years of teaching the piano, there’s so much more for me to learn… And that’s so exciting! Make time for the important. All the best to all of you!
I have two thoughts in response to this very insightful piece. One — my initial one, having just finished teaching a lesson with a student who needed to be reminded to stop ‘sight-reading’ a new piece over and over, and start breaking it down and wood-shedding, ie break into shorter sections, learn fingering, do hands alone, count at problem spots, etc — the usual, right? — was to think, ‘you mean, like trying to convince all of our students who mistake busyness (playing lots of notes too fast) for achievement (playing accurately by dint of actual efficient practice techniques)? So all of us teachers have living examples of how NOT to mistake busyness for achievement, in a very literal sense, every day. IOW we should be all over this in own person lives too, right? 🤣
My second thought, going a bit more specifically into your examples for one’s personal life, was that despite all the bad things about covid, I actually loved parts of it, especially the initial lockdown. Busyness screeched to a halt for everyone (except the researchers worldwide leaping into action to work together to create a vaccine!) and the streets were empty, the sound of birds and the wind could be heard outside instead of the roar of traffic, and suddenly we all had to find something to do with our time other than scurry around being … busy. I am sure we introverts were the happiest of all, at least those of us without small children at home. And for myself, I have been very slow to come back out of my covid hermitage, and more conscious of NOT leaping back into the old frenzied life.
One third thought was a reflection that with age comes less energy, both physical and mental, for busyness, which naturally requires one to step back and rethink how many things to say ‘yes’ to — because when you are out of gas, you literally have to say no. Our society overstimulates all of us, especially visually, and it is so easy to get caught up in motion motion motion — in fact, it’s easier to go along for the ride, than to stop in the middle of the stream and say, hey, wait a minute — do I really want to be doing this? as you explain in this article. Great food for thought, and thank you, Amanda and Wendy, for this little forum.
Oh I love how you connected busyness with the way students mistaking busyness (lots of notes) for achievement! That’s a great insight. I do agree that there was some blessing in all busyness screeching to a halt during lockdown! I was just back to teaching after maternity leave when lockdown hit, and really cherished the time it gave me with my family when it was necessary to put everything else on hold. Thank you so much for taking the time to write your thoughts, Kathy!
Congratulations on retirement and moving – that is a huge deal, and I hope you and your husband really enjoy this new chapter! Thank you so much for sharing:)
I am not a fan of to-do lists. For one reason, there’s always so much “to do” that my lists become impossibly long. And the second reason is that even if I make the lists manageable, if I don’t complete my list – regardless of the reason – I inevitably feel like a failure at the end of the day. This is also why I stopped making New Year’s resolutions years ago and instead focused on goal-setting and “one little word”. For some, that may seem to vague, but for me, I needed the flexibility to adjust goals and plans as my circumstances and situations dictated.
A year or so ago, I saw a reel on Facebook that was talking about goal-setting/planning, and the take-away was this: after you write your to-do list put a star (or a number or a check box or whatever) around your top 3 priorities for the day. Then TAKE EVERYTHING ELSE OFF THE LIST. Focus on completing those three things. If anything else gets done, that’s a bonus! I don’t follow this completely, but prioritizing my top three goals for each day helps me to remain focused, feel a sense of accomplishment, and not allow myself to become overwhelmed. This tiny little trick has given me the freedom to create space in my daily routine, made me feel more empowered and in control, and set boundaries for my own emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health.
Boundaries are so important, and I appreciate you taking the time to highlight your own journey! We each have to find the thing that works for us!
I so agree, Debbi! And thank you for sharing what has worked for you. I think that’s a great idea and I’ve seen that system work for quite a few people, so I know it’s got merit!
This article could have been written just for me–it’s so timely!
In 2017 I decided to revamp my teaching style, as I was totally burned out on teaching. This required getting an online presence as well as figuring out what direction to go with my teaching. Before I got refocused, my time began being consumed with caring for my demanding stepdad & dear sweet mom, also demanding in her attempt to please her demanding husband. My health has suffered, my studio has gone downhill, and I’ve had no social life. My mother passed away in June, and then, as acting executor, I had a load of follow up tasks to do that consumed what little surplus time I had during the summer (also teaching & 5 weeks of playing for a summer dance lab). I was even tasking during our two-week vacation! September was taken up with preparations for my mom’s celebration of life on Oct. 1st, and then any spare time I had for the rest of October was used in helping my disabled sister & husband downsize & prepare for a yard sale before moving. So I wasn’t able to get some down time until this last weekend. After having an unscheduled two days, (though I did spend several hours going through my mom’s computer to save what I wanted before destroying the hard drive), I was feeling totally unmotivated. Our garage is a mess with furniture & other items from my mom & stepdad that we’ve been unable to sell (we will donate when we squeeze in the time), my studio & work computer are completely unorganized, as is our home office, and I’m way behind on my financial record-keeping. This article is so full of wisdom & insight for someone as young as you, Amanda! Thank you for writing & sharing it. I’m taking things one step at a time, and am determed to get out of guilt mode. Yes, I am saying “No”.
I hope someone else who has been feeling the same way will be encouraged by my experience. Whoever you might be, you’re not alone.😒😕😏😊😀
I keep coming back to this article (after a week that got out of hand). I still have thinking to do, but thank you, thank you, thank you.
It’s so very hard to get a handle on this kind of thing, Lorraine! So you are not alone. I hope that you are able to navigate to a space where this is easier, but it does take time. Thinking of you!