Got Piano Students Quitting Now?

This is such a tough time for students, parents of students and teachers. Based on the emails I get in my inbox, I can assure you that if you have families quitting or talking about taking a break from lessons, you are not alone.

Here are just a few thoughts that might help you as you deal with piano students quitting or wanting to quit.

1. Learn what’s really going on.

Instead, go the extra mile to really learn what’s happening with the family. Call them. A text and an email is not very effective in getting parents to explain what’s really happening. Few people will text you the real reason they are quitting. And email is just too dry and negative to be helpful for a conversation like this. Maybe they lost their job. Maybe they are struggling financially. Maybe they are just exhausted (I know I am). Parents are much more likely to share these things with you on a phone call. Plus, just attempting to call shows you care.

How can you start a conversation like this?

Hi Sandi! I wanted to reach out and talk with you personally and see if there’s anything we can do to keep Brianna in piano. Things are really hard these days, and I know it’s especially this way for parents right now. But I’m working to be flexible in all the ways I can to keep kids learning during this difficult time. I just wanted to see if you might tell me more about your thoughts on stopping* lessons…

*Note I said “stopping” instead of “quitting” as quitting has a judgement feel to it.

2. Be flexible. Then take time to think.

If the parent shares something with you that you know you can fix or adjust, go ahead and offer that immediately. Perhaps they can’t afford your price increase for the year and you already know you’d be willing to let them pay last years’ tuition rate for 6 months. Go ahead and offer that.

But if they present you with something that has no immediate solution, offer to take some time to think about whether there’s a way to make it work. By offering to think about it, you are not only demonstrating your willingness to be flexible, but you are also showing that they are important to you and that you value their child.

I’m so sorry that you are facing these challenges, Sandi. That’s really hard. Would you mind if I think about it for a bit and see if there’s anything I can think of that I could do on my end to help this still work?

3. Put yourself in their shoes.

Hopefully, you will have learned some things in that phone call to help you with this. But it’s possible that the parent may be a very private person and just not willing or able to share specifics with you. That’s okay. Even without a lot of information, reminding yourself of some of the things parents are facing can really help you empathize and feel much better about the situation even if they do leave.

If you do not have kids living at home, it might be helpful to consider some of these issues parents are facing. Many are facing all of these issues:

• 10x the Difficulty – Everything is just harder these days. Getting kids ready for school is harder. Getting kids to school is harder. Coordinating transportation with a spouse is harder. Everything is just more difficult – you already know that because it’s probably that way in your life too.
• Schooling choices – Few people are happy with their schooling choices right now. Many parents who have sent their kids to school frequently worry about their child’s health or their own health if their child were to contract or even just bring Covid-19 home. Many parents who are schooling from home are not happy about that either. It’s very, very difficult to school from home and have a job. And for those that had to make difficult school choices this year and weren’t happy with their options, they are frequently second guessing their decisions. “Will my child be safe?” “Will my child learn what they need without falling behind?” “Will my child be okay socially?”
• WFH – Working from home is difficult for parents, especially if there are children at home or if both parents are working from home.
• Connection is difficult – Because so many people are at home more than usual, it’s difficult for parents to have a meaningful connection with each other. Date nights are difficult because of the restaurant situation. Few people have personal space or personal time. While families are all closer in proximity to each other, they frequently struggle to be personally connected. So there’s a lot of relationship stress.
• Already strained relationships are much worse – As you know, domestic violence is up because people are spending more time at home and are under greater stress. So if there was any issue between any relationship in the home before, it is probably much worse at this time. Piano lessons are the last thing that a parent needs to worry about if there are issues like this in the home. But even in homes where there is no emotional or physical abuse, relationships can be much worse just because of the stress of this time.
• There’s no space to have private conversations – When your kids are always around or if you live in a small house, it’s difficult to have meaningful, uninterrupted conversations about anything, including whether or not piano lessons should continue.
• Technology is frustrating, even for experts – If you are teaching online, it’s complicated for parents to make sure all the technology is working. Trust me, I’m pretty tech savvy, and it’s still a struggle sometimes because of all the variables (internet speed, zoom issues, computer updates, network connectivity issues, other activities in the house since everyone is home, etc.). Sometimes you simply have no control over these variables. Adding that issue to an already stressful day, week, or season is pretty taxing for many parents.
• It’s hard to get kids to practice – This is true whether you are in a pandemic or not. Many parents just weary themselves with dragging their child to the bench every day. But adding this already difficult task to their daily task list is just too much for some parents right now.
• Piano lessons are just not essential to a lot of people – Our idea of what is essential has changed dramatically in the last 6 months. Some people are still just trying to survive. So piano lessons are just an easy thing to nix as it’s one less thing to think about during the week.
• The pandemic has taken a toll on mental health – According to the American Medical Association, “Almost half of women (46%) were found to be more likely to say the fear of COVID-19 has negatively impacted their mental health compared with 33% of men.” Many people are struggling to keep it together these days.

Whew. Those are just the things that are top of mind for me right now. But I hope it’s somewhat helpful in giving you an idea of what kind of stress parents are facing right now. You’re probably facing many of those things as well!

4. How flexible should you be with piano students quitting?

Remember that the whole reason we have a policy is so that we can create margin (both time and financial) in our lives to help those who are truly in need. This pandemic has put many people in a needy position. So if you have the margin, there’s everything right with helping. That doesn’t necessarily mean giving free lessons, but you can be creative with how you help families that you want to keep in these difficult times. You may find yourself being more flexible than you usually are, but that’s okay. You are adapting just like everyone and many of us have done things we never thought we’d do because our circumstances force us into these positions.

You might take a minute to read Should We Throw Our Piano Policies Out the Window Now? It was written specifically for these pandemic times and gives you a perspective on our policies during crises.

5. Remember the extent of your own stress.

I’m sure you know the obvious things that are stressing you. But keep in mind that sometimes we forget what an unusual time this is and how hard this has been (and currently is) for us. We are adjusting, yes, but the base level of stress for all of us right now is much higher than it’s ever been.

I say that just to remind you that our reactions to things like piano students quitting are often heightened these days, so it’s just important to take a step back and be okay with not responding right away. Take time, bring it all into perspective, empathize with and enter into the lives of our families, and then see what solutions are possible. We need to keep what’s best for families in mind, yes, but we must especially choose what is best for us as caring for ourselves will help us better care for others.

I wish it was possible to always simultaneously do what was best for the student and ourselves. But in these difficult times, it’s not always possible.

Few decisions we make these days are easy. None of our problems have simple answers.

But give yourself grace and flexibility, just like you give your families. We all need more love, understanding and empathy these days. And who knows? Those parents who leave but see you loving them on the way out, are probably more likely to come back to your studio when things get a little easier.

Read More:

• What are the Foundational Reasons for Having Piano Policies?
• Should We Throw Our Piano Policies Out the Window Now?
• Will Online Piano Lessons Really Work for Me or My Child? – Send this article to parents who might not be sure if piano lessons can be taught online.