NOTE: I feel very awkward about this topic and have never “suggested” any gifts unless I’ve been asked. However, that doesn’t mean that wondering about this isn’t appropriate. I get questions from teachers about this and now that I’m a mom, I understand it from another perspective. See what you think!
I’ve always found it interesting how “room parents” and schools handle gift suggestions for teachers. Some schools will send out a list of teachers’ favorite items: treats, restaurants, stores. Other schools have a room parent collecting money from families and then turning it into a big gift card or a cash present.
But piano teachers don’t quite have that luxury, do we? The luxury of having someone else suggest gift ideas for those who want to give them. I’ve heard of some teachers posting a wish list on their websites or more often, just waiting and sending a suggestion if someone asks. I’ve always just felt like I should wait until someone asks because I don’t presume anyone will get me anything. And I’ll bet you are the same way too! Suggesting gifts for yourself is a little awkward and can be taken the wrong way. I’m sure that you are tickled and grateful for anything anyone gives to you!
But as a parent, I find wishlists very useful in shopping and making it easier for me to show someone my appreciation! And as a teacher, the most meaningful gift was when a parent reached out to me and asked me, “If you had one thing you’d love to purchase for your studio, what would it be?” And then I told her that a small but quality set of bells (like glockenspiel) would be really fun to add things to the holiday recital. I didn’t know this, but she contacted parents and they all pooled together resources to buy me this great set that I’ve used many times!
So I wish there were a gentle way that someone else could let all your students know what your favorite things are so that IF someone wanted to buy you something special, the could.
But what are your thoughts on this? Is there a way to let families know what you love without appearing selfish, expectant, or ungrateful? Do any of you put out a humble wish list in a public space? Please share your ideas in the comments!
That said, if you happen to make a wish list and want to put this on it, we do have gift cards both for you to give and for others to give you! And you can even write a personal message (that no one but you and the recipient can see) and have it delivered any day you want – like December 25th!
Curious what you all think about this as teachers have asked me about this in the past and I have no good answers (except maybe the posting of your favorite things on a website or social page).
Absolutely not! A teacher has no business at all suggesting or even expecting gifts from students. Period.
Is that emphatic enough?
Hi so I wish you had the answer! LOL I do prefer students give me gift cards – they are easy to grab at the grocery store but there are only a couple who do it. I am severely allergic to nuts and send the message in my monthly newsletter “Dear families, my studio is NUT FREE as I am severely allergic, so please be careful not to eat nuts and then come to studio – also letting you know that my christmas cookies at the recital are NUT FREE”..
Well they still come with chocolates with NUTS IN THEM!
There is absolutely nothing I need (especially that fiftieth mug or doo-dad that’s not my taste but I then feel obligated to keep and display). If someone were to insist, I might suggest either consumables only (one family always gives me a jar of their terrific homemade granola) or a donation to a charitable organization. What I truly treasure and keep are the heartfelt notes from students.
One indirect way in which I have requested a gift is through a joking comment which I will make from time to time. My mid-afternoon students might find me meeting them at the door, ever present insulated tea mug in hand, having just popped a “Vitamin CH” into my mouth. I might walk with them into my studio space while making a comment about needing to have my afternoon “Vitamin CH,” i.e, bite of dark chocolate! One day I commented to a student’s mom, who has been with me for three years, that the BEST Vitamin CH was a particular brand. She made eye contact with me as I said it. As she has a master’s in sports psychology, and I think that she just might have caught the hint.
I’ve had piano moms discussing with their child–in my presence– what gift to purchase for their classroom teacher or writing thank you cards to their teacher while their sibling is having a lesson. Yes, I feel invisible.
One year a piano mom who understood how to broach the subject of a food gift, acknowledging all my food and environmental sensitivities, ask specifically what would be an appropriate treat for me. I told her the particular candy, and she appeared with a case of them!
I absolutely cringe at the thought of requesting/suggesting or even hinting about gifts from students/parents. I definitely do not expect gifts, though I sometimes receive them, and then gratefully and gracefully. A gift should be un-asked for and not expected or required. Asking, hinting or suggesting gifts actually feels creepy to me. If someone asked, and insisted, I would suggest a gift card for a local restaurant, but so far no one has ever asked and most of the gifts I do receive are things like homemade chai tea mix, cookies or a handmade card drawn by the student. Those are wonderful, and I treasure them. I haven’t received anything truly ghastly in many years, thank goodness, but n the past I have suffered through hideous Christmas ornaments, knitted piano keyboard scarves, bone china piano vases and more. No no no! (Those are my thoughts — you asked 😊)
While I agree with Betsy above, the reality is that many students WILL give us gifts for many different occasions. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, while at a student’s home for a lesson, I mentioned that their candle smelled really nice. It turned out to be a candle from one of my very favorite stores. I mentioned how much I love this store and their candles/soaps/sanitizers/lotions and the very next week they had purchased that exact same candle for me! So even though I do not EXPECT gifts, I do know that I WILL receive them.
As a parent who has gone through severe financial hardship many times raising my own children, there were years when purchasing Christmas gifts for my students’ teachers meant forgoing things for ourselves. And if the teacher simply threw away our gift or regifted it, that would have felt to us like money wasted…money that could have been spent on my own family and our needs. I never want another family to feel that way, but honestly there are many gifts I either don’t want, don’t need, or can’t use (for example, I had a mom make me customized pierced earrings with her cricut one year for my birthday. I don’t have pierced ears and don’t have the skill set to convert them to clip. Thankfully I was able to pass them along to my daughter who loved them and wore them for awhile.) If a parent is going to spend EXTRA money on something for me, I wish there was a way to share with them what would be really useful, desired, wanted, etc. I’m glad you’re starting the discussion on this, and look forward to hearing what others have to say!!
I really don’t feel like I want to have a wish list but I do want to find a way to let my students know that I don’t eat chocolate. That by far is what I receive the most of and it just gets passed on to my husband. I don’t think they realize I’m not eating any of it. But to date, I have not figured out a way to let them know that I would appreciate anything but chocolate. What to do?
Re: Chocolate: at my Halloween Group Lesson I ask my students what their favorite treat is for Trick or Treating. I then share what mine was when I was a child. I also share what I reallllly dislike. In December they remember! At Christmas I get sweet treats I enjoy. 😋 I always like stickers, too!